Top Shelf: A Seacroft Novel Page 18

  Martin pulled away. Seb wanted to tug him back just as quick, but let him cross the room and sit on the bed. Martin wore a ragged T-shirt and soft pajama pants. He scrubbed his hands over his face. “What are we even doing here? Why did you come if you knew it would be like this?”

  Seb couldn’t help but sit on the edge of the mattress. He rested his head on Martin’s shoulder. “Because my grandmother was sick, and my brother is more scared of my dad than he is of me.” His head bobbed when Martin laughed.

  “And what am I doing here?”

  Seb nuzzled in farther, wrapping one arm around Martin’s shoulders to keep him close. “I like a challenge?”

  “I think you proved that tonight.”

  “I was an ass tonight. That’s not much of a challenge. But you push me, whether you know it or not. You make me want to try harder, be kinder. Maybe I thought your being here would force me to be a better version of myself. The one who isn’t cynical and quick to shoot first. I want different things when you’re around.”

  “What things?” Martin coughed quietly and Seb buried a knowing smile in Martin’s T-shirt.

  “That too.” He kissed the soft cotton. “But I don’t have much. In Seacroft. I don’t know if you’ve noticed. There’s my work and my apartment, and I have Cass because she wouldn’t leave me alone until I agreed to help her. Everyone else, though . . . I just skim.”

  “Everyone else loves you.”

  “They don’t know me.” And wasn’t that a kick in the teeth? He’d lived in Seacroft for almost four years. He had acquaintances, people he passed on the street who waved hello, but that was it.

  When Martin’s fingers slid under his jaw, tipping his head up to press their lips together, relief poured over Seb. If Martin let him go on much longer, he would have spilled every wish, every fearful secret he’d ever held. Seb kissed him back, shutting his eyes, trying to push away the ache, the lingering nervous energy from that freak show of a dinner. He focused on Martin: his clean washed scent, the pressure of his mouth.

  The kiss turned hungry, recovering some of the heat from earlier in the afternoon, before Seb’s head filled with his family and their endless crises.

  He shifted, coming up to his knees and climbing over Martin until he straddled his lap. He shed the leather jacket and let it fall to the floor, then buried his fingers in Martin’s hair while his tongue pushed into Martin’s mouth.

  “Is this a good idea?” It had to be. Seb arched as warm hands curved over the small of his back. His dick twitched, and he rolled his hips.

  “I’m not sure.” Martin’s eyes were bright. He was all crooked lines—his nose, his jaw, his smile.

  “Should I go? Let you go back to sleep?” Seb would, if Martin told him to. It was the least he could do, after everything.

  The most he could do, though . . .

  Martin stilled, his hands on Seb’s skin, his mouth slightly open. Seb waited, counted to five, listened to the soft sound of Martin’s breath as it brushed over his chin. When he didn’t say anything, Seb put a hand on Martin’s shoulders and went to climb down. It was enough. After a night like this, one good kiss would have to be enough.

  Martin moved so fast Seb didn’t see it coming. He only had time to think the professor was stronger than he looked before Seb was wrapped up in his arms, turned, and pushed onto the bed in one motion. He stared up, wide-eyed and gasping, as Martin came down over him, body pressed along Seb’s.

  He groaned and pulled at Martin’s shirt, trying to shift so more of them aligned. Martin’s heavy weight on top of him was unexpected but welcome. It grounded him, brought him more into the moment, where before he’d been about to fly apart at any second.

  “There is nothing wrong with you,” Martin whispered in his ear, his voice harder than Seb expected. His arousal grew at the sound. “And there is nothing wrong with me either. I am not broken. You don’t have to treat me like I am.”

  The last part was a declaration, maybe not even meant for Seb. He found the hem of Martin’s T-shirt, then the warm skin underneath, and Martin growled at the contact.

  “I wasn’t—” Seb’s words were cut off when Martin’s mouth found his again. Martin was wiry, all hard angles and bone against Seb’s body, but he was strong. One hand gripped Seb’s hair and tugged his head gently to one side so Martin could nibble on his jaw.

  “I don’t,” Seb tried again. “I don’t even know what you like.”

  “It’s been a while.”

  “How long is a while?”

  “Longer than months, less than never.”

  Seb laughed and pushed until they rolled, so that Martin was on his back and Seb sprawled half on top of him. Martin’s shirt was rucked up, exposing the stretch of skin and hair that had first caught Seb’s imagination. He ran his fingers over it, making Martin suck his stomach down in reflex. Seb trailed his hand up under the shirt until he found a nipple. He flicked a finger over it, and Martin grunted softly.

  “Take your shirt off,” Martin said.

  Seb smiled. “Want to do it for me?”

  “I want to watch you.”

  The statement made heat flood Seb’s throat while his groin tightened. Martin’s hand was on his own belly, fingers turning in slow circles. Seb stood, focused on undoing the buttons of his shirt. He slid it off and gripped the hem of his T-shirt. Martin watched him through heavy-lidded eyes as Seb pulled the shirt over his head, shivering in the cool air of the bedroom. Silver barbells pierced each of Seb’s nipples. He toyed absently with one as he took in Martin on the bed.

  Martin pulled himself up on his elbows, grasping his own shirt to tug it off by the collar. Wiry. But strong. The hair on his stomach trailed up his torso. His collarbones were deep grooves, showing the width of him and the muscle that ran from his shoulders over his chest.

  “I want to touch your piercings.” That Martin didn’t ask but simply stated made something flash inside Seb—hot, then molten. As he came to stand between Martin’s knees, his dick lengthened inside his jeans. His own knees trembled when Martin took one of the silver barbells between his thumb and forefinger, flicking and pinching. The sensation made Seb flinch, then put his hands around Martin’s face and pulled him up until their mouths were on each other. Seb wanted him, and every tugging sting as Martin pulled on the piercing again fired his need even more. Gasping, Seb collapsed to straddle Martin’s lap again.

  He held all of himself tight, barely balanced on the edge of the mattress. Martin seemed more interested in playing with the piercings than in holding Seb up. His teeth nipped at Seb’s lower lip while his fingers explored. It was almost like Seb wasn’t there, like Martin was so focused on a single task he had gone somewhere else, but each flick of his nipple made Seb pant. The piercings were a fun idea a dozen or so years earlier, but few lovers were interested in them since. Feeling the rigid length of Martin’s erection under him, he ground down with his hips and slipped a hand between them.

  Martin grabbed hold of his wrist and pulled it back up, twisting it behind Seb’s back. He bit at Seb’s lip harder this time.

  “Do you want to be in charge?” Seb asked. “Is that it?”

  Martin sucked on the bitten spot as he brought Seb’s other hand around behind him, so both his wrists were clasped together. “I saw you.” Martin said it like Seb hadn’t spoken. He licked at Seb’s nipples, making him groan and arch.

  “When?”

  “When you decided to protect Oliver at dinner. I saw you make the decision.”

  “I don’t want to talk about that.” Seb ran his fingers down Martin’s back, letting his nails scrape, watching the line of goosebumps that rose up.

  “You were like a warrior. You knew you’d get hurt, but you went in anyway. You took the blows because Oliver needed you to. I thought . . . ” His eyelids fluttered, and he pressed his forehead against the center of Seb’s chest, hands roaming over his skin.

  “You thought what?” He couldn’t imagine what Martin was trying
to say.

  “I thought maybe you might like not being the one to make decisions for a little while.” He pulled Seb’s head down to kiss him. “Let me be that person. Let your guard down.”

  Seb moaned. Yes. He wanted that. He wanted this: Martin, to not think, only to feel and be here. But uncertainty lived just under the desire. He didn’t know what Martin liked, and if he was trying something because he thought Seb would get off on it, it wasn’t necessarily a good idea.

  “You want to play some ‘naughty professor’ thing? Because I can try, but I sort of thought after what you told me about—”

  “Stand up.” Martin’s eyes narrowed.

  “What?”

  “Stand. Up.”

  Seb scrambled off, his heart squeezing with regret. He shouldn’t have brought up the professor thing.

  “Take your pants off.”

  The way Martin set his chin made Seb’s chest squeeze again, but in a different way. The blood in his body traveled south in a hurry.

  “Pants off,” Martin said again. Seb’s hands shook as he complied. “One button at a time. That’s it.” There wasn’t much light in the room, only the one bedside lamp, but the white line of Martin’s teeth was visible as he grinned. His hand was back on the hollow of his stomach, fingers moving in slow circles again.

  Seb went to shuck his pants and underwear, but Martin shook his head. “Just the pants.”

  His erection definitely liked where this was going. Seb pulled his pants off, kicking them to the side. Martin leaned back, bottom lip in his teeth.

  “I was not expecting this.”

  “You didn’t know me. Before.”

  Before?

  Oh.

  Martin’s hand slid lower, his fingers moving from slow circles to soft lines up and down the shape of his cock in his pajamas.

  “You wanted to know what I like,” Martin said.

  Oh boy, had Seb ever wanted to know.

  “I like it slow. I like to watch. I like to touch. I don’t like to be worried about all the things that could go wrong, and it has been a very long time since I felt like I could do that.”

  He wasn’t talking about sex. Or not simply sex. But if it was going to happen like this, if Martin needed to feel in control, to feel safe, in order for this thing between them to work tonight, Seb was totally on board with it.

  “I—”

  “Touch yourself.” Martin gripped himself through his pants. “I want to touch you, and for you to touch me, but . . . I want to see what you like first, so I know what to do. Show me.”

  Well then.

  “Doing your research? Very studious of you.” Seb’s hand moved over his own chest. He flicked at the piercing as his other hand roamed lower. He watched Martin’s hand while he did it, focusing on the long fingers playing over the place where Martin’s erection was pitching a not-so-little tent. Seb hissed when his own fingers grazed the tip of his cock, pressed snug in the elastic of his briefs. Tugging at his piercing, he ran his palm down the front of the soft cotton.

  He hadn’t done this for an audience in a while. Usually, there wasn’t time. A few kisses, a fumble with a zipper, and someone was on their knees or face-down before anyone remembered the niceties.

  Martin’s hand slipped into his pants.

  “I really want that to be my hand.” Seb gasped.

  “I do too. We’ll get there. Show me what it would be like first. I want to know.”

  The whole time he palmed himself, Seb kept his eyes on Martin. He pulled his cock free of his briefs and wrapped his fingers around himself. Martin’s mouth was open slightly, and his tongue darted out to swipe at his lower lip while he watched.

  Seb worked himself slowly. The more he watched Martin watching him, the more he wanted this to go on for hours. He slid his hand up, running his palm over the crown of his dick. He flicked at his nipple and trembled.

  “Yeah.” Martin tugged his pants off, and Seb bit his lip on a protest when Martin’s underwear went with them, even though he hadn’t let Seb do the same. But then it didn’t matter, because holy fuck, Martin was beautiful. He was long. All of him. Legs, arms, his torso, the heavy cock that moved in and out of his hand. His thighs were muscled, and fine hair swirled over them. Seb wanted to run his palms over them while he licked at Martin’s cock. He wanted to feel those legs around his body.

  “Come here.”

  Seb stumbled forward like he was on a string. He stopped between Martin’s knees. Strong hands gripped his hips. Martin pressed a kiss to Seb’s stomach, inches above where his cock started to leak. Then Martin slipped lower and licked at the crown. “Show me what you like. So I know what to do.”

  Seb did, and oh god, it was good. Martin’s breath brushed against the hair at the base of Seb’s cock while Martin watched and then took over, stroking him, his other hand flat on one of Seb’s ass cheeks to hold him in place. Seb pinched his nipples, letting his hands wander as he watched the flushed head of his cock pumped in and out of Martin’s hand.

  Martin’s mouth on him was a hot shock that made Seb tremble, and he gripped at Martin’s hair as he swallowed him.

  “Oh.” He gasped as Martin’s tongue swirled around him. “Oh god, yes. That. Just keep doing that.”

  Martin had a whole suitcase of hidden skills. The voice. The things he could do with his mouth. As he sucked, his fingers played over Seb’s balls, and Seb nearly drew blood digging his fingernails into Martin’s shoulders to stay upright.

  “More. Please. You’re doing great,” he said.

  Martin pulled off him with a wet slide. Seb’s hips followed him. Seb bent and kissed him, pushing at his shoulders. They tumbled to the mattress. Seb was lightheaded, and his heart pounded in his ears as he settled against Martin’s body.

  “I want to be inside you.” Martin frowned, like that desire was a problem in need of solving. “Or you inside me. I don’t care. But I don’t have any lube.”

  And wasn’t that a kicker?

  “I have some upstairs,” Seb said.

  Martin laughed between kisses. “You said we weren’t sleeping together.”

  “We weren’t when we got here. That doesn’t mean I didn’t have aspirations.”

  “Upstairs is far.” Martin bit at his neck, making Seb grunt while his hips kicked forward.

  “Something to aim for next time.”

  Seb pulled himself up to kneeling and stared at Martin, laid out in front of him. He was scruffy and flushed, and Seb wanted to do so many things to him to see him writhe.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking,” Martin said.

  Seb had to clear this throat as arousal took him over. “I want to know what you taste like.”

  Martin’s grin twisted. “So find out.”

  “You sure?”

  “I’ll tell you to stop if I need to.”

  Seb couldn’t help himself as he dove back for Martin’s mouth, because the other option would be to stare up at the ceiling and babble out an incoherent prayer thanking whatever force had brought Martin into his life.

  Martin’s hands were in his hair, pulling and then tugging down. Seb got the hint. He braced his shoulders against the backs of Martin’s thighs, pushing them up until Martin was open to him. Seb swiped his tongue against Martin’s hole, then up the crease to his taint. Martin groaned above him. Just as well they weren’t upstairs, because, lube or no lube, Seb was going to make Martin do that again, loudly.

  He sucked Martin’s cock into his mouth, loving the taste of him on his tongue. The cotton laundry smell was gone, replaced with an earthier musk that tickled his nose as he went deeper. Martin shifted under his hands, shuddering with need. Seb hollowed his cheeks and bobbed his head. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see anything around him, nothing that would distract him from the taste of Martin and the feel of the hands still threaded into Seb’s hair.

  “Oh, that’s amazing.” Nothing Martin said since this started sounded like a question, and his confidence was driving S
eb crazy. He’d do anything for Martin when he was like this. Martin bumped against his throat. Seb swallowed, taking him deeper, and Martin grunted, but then he tensed.

  “Wait. Too fast,” he said. Seb froze, looking up the flat, angular lines of Martin’s body. “Too fast. I’m not—” His chest rose and fell with shallow breaths. He pulled himself up to his elbows and reached down, fingers trailing along Seb’s lips. “Your mouth is beautiful. All of you is so—But I—What if I . . . ”

  Seb crawled up Martin’s body to kiss him. They rolled, legs tangling together and sheets twisting around their bodies until they were wrapped up in each other.

  “I want more.” Seb gasped as Martin licked at his throat.

  “More?” Martin gripped their cocks together, jerking them slowly.

  “That’s good too. We can do this if you’re more comfortable with it, but I really liked sucking you off. It’s okay if it’s fast. I want you to come in my mouth.” He wanted to know everything: what Martin looked like, tasted like, sounded like, as he let go and came apart.

  They untangled themselves, shifting and repositioning until Seb sat against the headboard, and Martin knelt above him. His cock hung, thick and heavy, and Seb cursed the lube situation again. He wanted that inside of him. He wanted the stretch and the burn, and the weight of Martin on top of him and pushing into him at the same time, so close they were almost one person; the best parts of each of them together.

  Martin stroked himself. Seb could let him do that all night. Sit there and watch as Martin’s skin flushed and his hips thrust, until Martin’s come painted Seb’s skin. He’d like that.

  “You can tell me to stop anytime you want to.” He opened his mouth, pressing his tongue flat against his lower lip.

  “I don’t think I’ll need to.” The mattress creaked as Martin braced on the headboard. Pre-come glistened at the tip of his cock, and Seb licked it off, making Martin hiss.

  Seb lapped at him, waiting, encouraging. “I want you in me. In me, on me. Everywhere. Just as you are. I want you to come down my throat. Is that okay?” Anticipation swirled inside Seb, making his heart pound and his dick pulse. Martin clenched his jaw, and he nodded. Seb warmed. He would make this good—so good—for both of them.